Independence Day)
• NewWhitesnake that sounds like the best of classic Whitesnake!
• Rare Hair from Riot, Dirty Looks, Black Stone Cherry, ZZ Top, Sons of Texas, and more!
• Chart-climbers by Disturbed, Atreyu, and Greta Van Fleet
• Hits & Deep Cuts from Guns N’ Roses, Poison, AC/DC, Slaughter, Van Halen, Warrant, Thunder, Kiss, Vince Neil, the Dead Daises, and Sammy Hagar
• Metalachi, the World’s First and Only Heavy Metal Mariachi Band!
• Visit Metalachi’s Facebook fan page
• Vince Neil‘s tequila brand
• A harrowing Juarez story from Pariah’s touring days
• Just what does donde para mamada mean in English? Click here for translation.
• The song that directed the hormonal affection of an entire generation of teenagers toward the front of the classroom
• Announcement of the super-sized 3-hour 200th Hard, Heavy & Hair Show

Playlist

Own the hits and deep cuts you hear on Hard, Heavy & Hair! Click the iTunes/Apple Music or Amazon Digital Music icons to the left of each song.

Beds (Background Music):

Transcript of the Show

This week, Hard, Heavy & Hair is celebrating Cinco de Mayo! I’ve got my own personal bartender in the studio with me mixing margaritas and lining up the salted-rim tequila shots. Let’s kick of the Cinco de Mayo Hard, Heavy & Hair with Sammy Hagar, “Mas Tequila.”

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Sammy Hagar – Mas Tequila
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¡Bienvenido! Welcome to the Hard, Heavy & Hair Show! Gracias for joining me for two hours of the hardest rocking, heaviest, and hairiest Cinco de Mayo celebration on the radio.

Yo soy Pariah Burke, your hard talking, heavy drinking, hairball of a hornie hornitos chugging host.

We’re doing Cinco de Mayo right on this first show of May 2019. I’m foregoing my usual bourbons for tequila this week. In the studio with me is professional topless bartender Tiffany from one of Portland’s finest gentlemen’s clubs. Say hi, Tiff.

“Hi.”

Tiffany will be making me drinks throughout the show. She’s got Patron Anejo Burdeos for my tequila shots and Hornitos Reposado for my margaritas. Is that right, Tiff?

She nodded, folks.

Over the next two hours I hope you’ll join me in the entirely American tradition of getting hammered for Cinco de Mayo. Along the way you’ll hear some of the most fun Hard Rock, Metal, and Glam from the 80s, 90s, 2000s, 20-teens, and today, including brand new music and a few surprises.

Sammy got the party started, let’s keep it going with three shots of hair rock. Here’s Dirty Looks and Thunder, right after Poison. This is Hard, Heavy & Hair, and it’s “Nothin’ but a Good Time .”

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Poison – Nothin’ but a Good Time
Dirty Looks – Blue Tequila
Thunder – Gimme Some Lovin’
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Thunder with their 1990 cover of the Spencer Davis Group’s “Gimme Some Lovin’.” SDG originally released that song in ’66. Before Thunder was Dirty Looks with “Blue Tequila” off their ’92 album Five Easy Pieces.

This is the Hard, Heavy & Hair Cinco de Mayo celebration show. If you’re listening to me from outside the U.S., Cinco de Mayo is a BIG event here in the United States of America. It’s also been picking up steam in Britain because the English love to drink, too.

We celebrate by drinking way too much Tequila, eating Mexican food, and enjoying the culture and art of Mexican-Americans.

Most people think Cinco de Mayo–the 5th of May–is Mexican Independence Day. That’s not true. I’ll you what the day is really about after some Southern and Southwestern modern Hard Rock from Black Stone Cherry and the Sons of Texas.

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Black Stone Cherry – Fiesta Del Fuego
Sons of Texas – Baptized in the Rio Grande
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“Baptized in the Rio Grande” by Sons of Texas following Black Stone Cherry with a track off their phenomenal 2014 album Magic Mountain. That was “Fiesta Del Fuego.”

Coming up this hour is Cover Song of the Week clues, the World’s First and Only Heavy Metal Mariachi Band, Kiss, recent Disturbed, brand new Whitesnake that sounds a helluva lot like the best of classic Whitesnake, and more.

A 2018 survey revealed that 90% of Americans don’t know what Cinco de Mayo is about. 39% thinks Cinco de Mayo celebrates Mexican Independence Day. It doesn’t. The day Mexico gained its independence from Spain, is celebrated on September 16th. And that is the biggest holiday in Mexico. Cinco de Mayo, which isn’t even that big a deal in Mexico itself, is in observance of the Mexican Army’s victory over the French Empire in 1862 at the Battle of Puebla.

In recent years, it’s become a celebration of the culture contributed to America by Mexican-Americans.

If you, my fellow tequila chugging listener, are American, you’re now one of the very few Americans who knows the real reason for Cinco de Mayo.

Revel in your exclusivity, in your ability to show up your friends or win a bar bet this Cinco de Mayo, while we check out Mexico’s newest contribution to music. This is Ozzy’s “Crazy Train” as done by the World’s First and Only Heavy Metal Mariachi Band on Hard, Heavy & Hair.

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Metalachi – Crazy Train
Kiss – Detroit Rock City
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“Detroit Rock City” from Kiss following a rousing mariachi rendition of “Crazy Train” to help us celebrate Cinco de Mayo on Hard, Heavy & Hair.

Speaking of, let’s get you your first Cover Song of the Week clue.

The original version of the song starts with a drum intro achieved by using four bass drums simultaneously. Throughout the rest of the song, double-bass drumming is used.

It was a huge hit for this household-name band in the 80s, a hit that most people still know and love today, though it was the final single ever released by the original lineup of this Hall of Fame band.

The first clue is always the toughest, the one to test those who thrive on obscure rock trivia and minutia. The clues get easier as we go along.

Switching gears, this is Disturbed. Are You ready?

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Disturbed – Are You Ready
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That brand new Whitesnake song is right around the corner. If you’ve been disappointed by some of Whitesnake’s recent tunes, I think you’ll really like this new one. It sounds a lot like Whitesnake’s 1987 self-titled album. That’s coming up.

Right now, have a drink on me and stay up all night on this Cinco de Mayo.

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AC/DC – Have a Drink on Me
Slaughter – Up All Night
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Slaughter chasing AC/DC there.

Let me give you another Cover Song of the Week clue and then I’ll spin that new Whitesnake track for you.

Let’s talk about the artist doing the Cover Song of the Week. It’s an artist you’ve already heard from on this show, someone you might not have expected to hear on Hard, Heavy & Hair.

This 5-member band once described itself as having reached the Rio Grande river in the saddlebags of a buro before scampering across the river into the U.S. and collapsing into the sand… On top of a record sleeve of Black Sabbath’s “Paranoid.” That album, said to be a teacher, mentor, and friend to the siblings, inspired them to form their own Heavy Metal band, often referred to as the greatest Heavy Metal band to ever live.

According to them. I didn’t write that description, they did.

Listen to this brand new Whitesnake track and tell me you don’t hear echos of classic Whitesnake from ’87.

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Whitesnake – Hey You (You Make Me Rock) (Radio Edit)
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Hell, yeah! That is the BEST Whitesnake song I’ve heard in a long, long time. That’s from the new album Flesh and Blood that comes out next week! It also contains “Shut Up and Kiss Me,” which is another good cut.

Tiffany, a professional bartender joining me in the studio today, is mixing another batch of Margaritas. This time she’s using Tatuado, which is Vince Neil’s brand of tequila. Vince’s Tatuado also makes rum, vodka, and other spirits, but I’m only interested in the tequila for this Hard, Heavy & Hair Cinco de Mayo celebration.

Vince knows a lot about tequila. He even sings about it. Here he is with the title-track from his third solo studio album released in 2010.

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Vince Neil – Tattoos & Tequila (Album Version)
Guns N’ Roses – Paradise City
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G N R “Paradise City,” where margaritas can certainly take you. Before that was Vince Neil from his 2010 solo album tattoos & tequila. The album is almost entirely covers with just that song and one other, a power ballad written by Nikki Sixx, Tracii Guns, and James Michael being the only original songs. One of the covers Vince did on the album is by ZZ Top, the often covered “Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers.” I won’t be playing THAT song on this show, but I do have other ZZ Top for you because that Texas trio is no stranger to either Mexico or drinking. Here’s “Mescalero” on Hard, Heavy & Hair.

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ZZ Top – Mescalero
Atreyu – The Time Is Now
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“The Time Is Now” proving that Atreyu understands Jimmy Buffet’s philosophy: If life gives you limes, make margaritas.

[clip margaritas]

By now all that tequila is probably making you a little warm and gooey inside. Grab your special someone–just be careful not to knock them of their stool in the process–and raise a salt-rimmed toast to each other with me and Greta Van Fleet. “You’re the One.”

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Greta Van Fleet – You’re the One
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The Cover Song of the Week is just a few minutes away, so here’s your third and final clue, so “sit down, Waldo.”

Talking about the Cover Song of the Week track itself, it’s a song that directed the hormonal affection of an entire generation of teenagers toward the front of school classrooms. Inspired by the song and especially the music video, which was co-directed by the original artist’s ultimate frontman frontman, gave many an 80s male student thoughts that made him afraid to rise from his desk when the bell rang. The song is packed with school boy innuendo, though many a female student found the song inspiring lusty classroom day dreams, too.

Got the Cover Song of the Week now? We’ll see if you’re right very shortly.

We’re celebrating Cinco de Mayo on Hard, Heavy & Hair, so let’s swing down to Mexico and party with John Crab, Dizzy Reed, Marco Mendoza, David Lowy, Richard Fortus, and Jackie Barnes–the Dead Daisies–on a song Lowy, Mendoza, Fortus, and Reed wrote along with former INXS singer Jon Stevens.

[Clip The Last Picture Show “Going to Mexico”]

Here’s the Dead Daisies “Mexico” on Hard, Heavy & Hair.

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The Dead Daisies – Mexico
*** Riot – Swords & Tequila
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Riot must have written that song about Juarez. It’s been a few years since I was there, but it was mucho rough. I was on a gig in El Paso and decided on the spur of the moment to drive across the border with my drummer in a car he had rented. The whole time he was nervous about his rental. I didn’t blame him. A mile into Juarez was a hollowed out shopping center with a stripped car on fire in its parking lot–at noon. We were followed, harassed, someone half-assed tried to rob us, and then we got into a massive bar fight. How we didn’t wind up in jail, dead, or killed in jail, I don’t know.

Especially since the only Spanish either of us knew, and which we kept saying loudly in the bar, was tequila, cerveza, and donde para mamada. [laugh] If you don’t know what donde para mamada means, ask a friend who speaks Spanish. Or hit the show notes on PariahRocks.com. There’s a link in the show transcript (from Friday, May 3rd on) to translate the phrase to English.

ALT

Especially since the only Spanish either of us knew, and which we kept saying loudly in the bar, was tequila, cerveza, and quiero una mujer [kee-aro una moo-hair]. [laugh] If you don’t know what quiero una mujer means, ask a friend who speaks Spanish.

I’ll give you a hint. We were looking for Girls, girls, girls.

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Mötley Crüe – Girls, Girls, Girls
*** Bon Jovi – Livin’ on a Prayer
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Bon Jovi, “Livin’ on a Prayer.”

[COW]

The Cover Song of the Week is the final single released by the original and most famous lineup of the Hall of Fame band known as… let me see if I can pronounce this name correctly… Von Hallen? Vain Haleen? Well, you know who they are. [chuckle]

The fourth and final single from Van Halen’s 1984 album titled 1984 was “Hot for Teacher,” which came out in October of 1984 At just shy of 35 years old, it was the last single Eddie and Alex Van Halen, Michael Anthony, and David Lee Roth have released together as Van Halen. It spawned a music video that received heavy rotation on MTV. Co-directed by David Lee Roth, the video featured attractive teachers stripping down to bikinis and dancing for, and flirting with, their students. It’s a song that inspired many an adolescent, myself included, to zone out teacher’s voices and look past their conservative dresses and suits.

Heh. I wouldn’t be surprised if a therapist eventually traced my life long penchants for older women and for strippers back to the “Hot for Teacher” video and one particular teacher of mine. No wonder I kept failing math. Of course, it wasn’t just Math. My typing and drama teachers were pretty hot, too. My drama teacher even slept with one her students, BUUUUT that line of banter will get us into topics far too serious for this show.

The artist doing the cover is anything but serious. Everything about them is fun. With three albums of Hard Rock, Metal, and Glam covers, Metalachi is a novelty band that is actually quite amazing. It doesn’t take much to put together a band and release a few songs, but it takes true musicianship, good marketing skills, and real fortitude to create a novelty or concept band and keep that going through three albums, hundreds of live shows, and international fame. And that’s Metalachi, The World’s First and Only Heavy Metal Mariachi Band.

Here they are covering Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher,” followed immediately by the original “Hot for Teacher” from Van Halen itself.

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Metalachi – Hot for Teacher
Van Halen – Hot for Teacher
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“Hot for Teacher,” the Hard, Heavy & Hair Cover Song of the Week, first as covered by The World’s First and Only Heavy Metal Mariachi Band, Metalachi, and then right there the original version by Van Halen.

Here’s a cut perfect for every party. This is Warrant, “Cherry Pie.”

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Warrant – Cherry Pie
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We’re celebrating Cinco de Mayo on the Hard, Heavy & Hair Show this week. Earlier in the show I told you the real reason for Cinco de Mayo, and it’s not Mexican Independence Day. Americans and Brits tend to focus on the honoring the 5th of May with tequila. Next week is MY favorite drinking holiday, Whiskey Appreciation Day. You know me, I’m a BIG fan of bourbon, scotch, and several other varieties of whiskey. So we’ll be celebrating that on Hard, Heavy & Hair show number 198 next week.

You also might note that the show numbers are creeping toward 200. This show right here is number 197, which means there’s only two shows left before Hard, Heavy & Hair airs its 200th show. And it is going to be a HUGE show–figuratively, and literally! Hard, Heavy & Hair number 200 will be THREE hours long, with every minute of the show packed with the greatest Hard Rock, Metal, and Hair of the 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, 20-teens, and today, rock trivia, and special features that include the Cover Song of the Week and an Indie & Unsigned, but go way, way beyond just that!

I hope you’ll join me for the giant 200th show celebration right here on this station, but possibly at a special time. So listen for announcements about the airing of Hard, Heavy & Hair number 200 in three weeks.

Until then, come back next week for the Hard, Heavy & Hair Whisky Day celebration, the next week for show number 199, which I’ll tell you about soon, and then the 200th the week after.

Gracias, amigos, for joining me for this show celebrating Cinco de Mayo and some of the finest salty and sweet Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, and Hair bands songs to drink and fiesta to. If you’d like to hear this show again, you can stream it on demand from PariahRocks.com, that’s P-A-R-I-A-H-R-O-C-K-S-dot com and Mixcloud.

I’m your host and producer, Pariah Burke. Yo quero rock n roll. From my topless in-studio guest bartender, Tiffany, and myself, thank you for listening.

We started the show with Sammy Hagar and “Mas Tequila.” Let’s end it with Sammy, too. This isn’t really Hard Rock, but it’s still a great way to end this Cinco de Mayo Hard, Heavy & Hair. Here’s Mr. Cabo Wabo himself with friend Toby Keith covering Jimmy Buffet’s “Margaritaville.”

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Sammy Hagar – Margaritaville