- & the Restless Hearts
- Pariah’s poem “Twas the Rock Before Christmas” (click here for the poem transcript)
- Rudolf the Red-@*&#ed Reindeer?!
- Pariah’s heartfelt wish for your Holiday season
Own the hits and deep cuts you hear on Hard, Heavy & Hair! Click the iTunes/Apple Music or Amazon Digital Music icons to the left of each song.
Transcript of the Show[INTRO]
This is the annual Hard, Heavy & Hairy Christmas Special. This year, 2020, I’m calling the show Twas the Rock Before Christmas, for a reason that will become evident soon. Before I tell you about that, let’s start the music with Gaia Epicus. This is “Metal X-Mas.”
Gaia Epicus – Metal X-Mas
My name is Pariah Burke, and I’m your hard talking, heavy drinking, hairball of a horny hedonist host. And this week? Your naughty Santa.[Clip – Bad Santa]
Thank you for joining me for this 2020 Hard, Heavy, and Hairy Holidays editions of the show. This show is 2-Hours of Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, and Hair Band Christmas songs–some original, some covers. I’ve even written something new this year, just for you. I think you’ll like it. We’ll get to that poem I’ve written in just a few minutes, after a little more feel-good Hard Rock, Metal, and Hair Bands to get you into the Christmas spirit no matter your faith.
First up is Firehouse “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” with us.
Firehouse – Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree
Queensrÿche – White Christmas
Gold Frankincense & Myrrh – It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
Durbin,Chris Jericho,Phil Demmel – Kings Before You
That was a new song, “Kings Before You,” from former Quiet Riot singer James Durbin with a little help from elves Chris Jericho and Phil Demmel.
Before it you heard so-called Beautycore band Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh doing “It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” which followed “White Christmas” from Queensryche.
We have to pause for a quick station identification while I refill my egg nog. Don’t go anywhere if you want to stay on my naughty list!
You’re listening to the Hard, Heavy & Hair 2020 Holiday Special. It’s “Another Rock N’ Roll Christmas” with Paul Di’Anno, former lead singer of Iron Maiden, a band formed on Christmas Day in 1975 leading into King Diamond getting mean with “No Presents for Christmas.”
Paul Di’Anno – Another Rock ‘n Roll Christmas
King Diamond – No Presents For Christmas
Helix – Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
Stephen Pearcy, Tracii Guns, Bob Kulick, Billy Sheehan & Gregg Bissonette – Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer
Stephen Pearcy, Tracii Guns, Bob Kulick, Billy Sheehan & Gregg Bissonette there doing “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” following Helix’s rendition of “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.” Does anyone else sing that as “Rudolf the Red-Disked Reindeer?”
Rudolph the Red-Dicked Reindeer
Had a very shiny hose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say that’s gross
All of the other reindeer
Used to scream and faint away
They never let poor Rudolph
Share in any kind of lay
No one sings it like that? Just me? Okay then.
I promise a better Christmas poem for you right after the break.
Twas the Rock Before Christmas
(aka A Visit from Metal Legends)
By Pariah Burke, Copyright 2020
‘Twas the show before Christmas, and all ‘cross the stage
Not an artist was playing, no one in a rage;
Guitars hung by tech Jeff in the rack with care,
In hopes some shredders would soon be there;
The hot young groupies were all down, down on their knees,
With visions of backstage passes in their dreams;
The drummer doing lines, I, a chick in my lap,
Had just cranked Ozzy, hoping we don’t get the clap,
When out in the flies there arose such a melody,
I sprang from my ass to see what sounds so heavenly.
Back I belted my Jack, swallowed, gone in a flash,
Real whiskey, not posing with iced tea, like the Clash.
My scrawl on the breast of a fine young lass,
Made me feel like a true Rock N’ Roll badass,
Past her, what to my red, bloodshot eyes did arrive,
Lemmy, Cliff, Eddie, Dio, Wendy, and Dimebag.
With backup singers Chester, Bon, Phil, and Chris,
I knew in a moment, ‘tis Heavy Metal bliss.
Faster than thrashers they played, shredding, and bending,
While Lem-my and Wen-dy sang, their wail un-ending.
Lemmy called: “Sons of Apollo, Five Finger Death Punch,
In This Moment, The Loyal Order, Ghost, The Struts,
Tyler Bryant, Black Stone Cherry, and Bad Wolves
Carry on! Carry on! Rock N’ Roll from all!”
As chords in “Rock You Like a Hurricane” fly,
and Yngvie Malmsteen Rising Force to the Sky,
High up to the heavens the metal riffs did bray,
With a catalog full of hits, the band did play.
Then, in a baritone, I heard from the stage
Lemmy singing, wailing, and growling in a rage.
As I leant in close, his voice all sharpen’d blades,
Motorhead’s great, late lead man sang “Ace of Spades.”
They were all of them dressed in leather and spikes,
An’ stood upon the stage, straddling Harley’s bikes;
A Fender six-string Eddie had slung on his chest,
An angel with wings, he showed why he was the best.
Wendy O—her voice sulttry—Dio’s high-octave scream!
Cliff going low, low! Dimebag groovin a dream!
The band played like Hell was freezin’, Heaven ablaze;
I stood transfixed, my band beside me as always.
A fat joint my bass player held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
Our singer looked on in joy, tear on his cheek.
Rhythm guitarist shook and laughed, his high at peak.
On stage, it was “Cowboys From Hell,” then “Damage Inc,”
“It’s My Life,” then “Holy Diver,” and “Eruption”;
Metal legends playing their best, song by song,
Gave us this Christmas a gift: Rock would go on;
Finally the encore came, and silence reigned;
No more guitar, no more bass, no drums did bang,
Lemmy spoke no words, just set down his guitar.
The rest just faded back to a world afar.
Lemmy calmly stept to his iron horse,
In Rock and Metal, a quiet man, a force.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he faded from sight—
“A Metal Christmas to all, to all a rad night!”
Diamante – Auld Lang Syne
“Auld Lang Syne” by Diamante.
What did you think of my adaptation of “Twas the Night Before Christmas?” If you want to read my version of the poem, hit PariahRocks.com and check out the show notes for this show, Hard, Heavy & Hair number 282. The poem is in the show notes.
This is AC/DC singing about something I know many of my listeners have on their secret Christmas Wish Lists ’cause I get the mail too naughty for Santa to open. This is “Mistress for Christmas.”
AC/DC – Mistress For Christmas
Twisted Sister – Heavy Metal Christmas
Twisted Sister counting us up to a “Heavy Metal Christmas.” We’re NEARLY half way through this special Hard, Heavy & Hair Holiday Edition 2020.
Still coming up is Korn, Danger Danger, Alice Cooper, Doug Pinnick, Small Town Titans, and even more Dee Snider in a brand new Christmas duet with Lzzy Hale of Halestorm. We have to pause for station identification, but you won’t forgive yourself, you’ll be filling your OWN stocking with coal for years to come, if you don’t unwrap the second half of the show.
So pour yourself some spiked egg nog, kick off those slippers, and stick around for even more Christmas Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, and Hair bands!
You may have noticed that I haven’t given any Cover Song of the Week clues yet. This week, on this Holiday Special Hard, Heavy & Hair Show, there isn’t a Cover Song of the Week. But don’t worry! The Cover Song of the Week will be back next week.
We’re just taking a break from it because, as the Darkness tell us, this is “Christmas Time.”
The Darkness – Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End)
Jeff Scott Soto, Bruce Kulick, Bob Kulick, Chris Wyse & Ray Luzi – We Wish You a Merry Christmas
Jeff Scott Soto, Bruce Kulick, Bob Kulick, Chris Wyse & Ray Luzier wishing you a merry Christmas.
This is Korn with a cover from the Nightmare Before Christmas–“Kidnap the Sandy Claws.”
Korn – Kidnap the Sandy Claws
Steve ‘Lips’ Kudlow, Bumblefoot, Chris Chaney & Kenny Aronoff – Frosty the Snowman
“Frosty the Snowman” courtesy of Steve “Lips” Kudlow, Bumblefoot, Chris Chaney & Kenny Aronoff.
More Hard, Heavy, and Hair sleighing coming up with Dee Snider and Lzzy Hale, Small Town Titans, Bob Rivers, Alice Cooper, and more!
Oni Logan, Craig Goldy, Tony Franklin & John Tempesta – Deck the Halls
Faster Pussycat – Silent Night
Tuk Smith & the Restless Hearts – Merry Xmas Everybody
In order that was “Deck the Halls” from Oni Logan, Craig Goldy, Tony Franklin & John Tempesta, then Faster Pussycat with “Silent Night,” and finally Tuk Smith & the Restless Hearts doing “Merry Christmas Everybody.”
There’s still more soon-to-be-classic Christmas Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, and Hair Band songs coming up on the Hard, Heavy & Hair 2020 Holiday Special. Stay with me.
No Heavy Metal Christmas show would be complete without this next song, a parody of Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man.” This is Bob Rivers with “I Am Santa Claus.”
Bob Rivers – I Am Santa Claus
Small Town Titans – You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch
You’ve been hearing a lot of brand new songs from Small Town Titans on Hard, Heavy & Hair recently, but that song, the Pennsylvania trio’s version of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” is what first brought the band to my attention a few years ago.
This next track is brand new from former Twisted Sister frontman Dee Snider doing a duet with the front woman of Halestorm, Lzzy Hale. This is “The Magic of Christmas Day.”
Dee Snider – The Magic of Christmas Day [Ft. Lzzy Hale]Set It Off – This Christmas (I’ll Burn It To The Ground)
Getting a little Punky there with Tampa, Florida band Set It Off and new single “This Christmas (I’ll Burn It to the Ground)”, a feel-good song sure to become as classic and timeless as Bing Crosby’s “Do You Hear What I Hear” and Dean Martin’s “Silver Bells.”
Come sit on Santa Pariah’s lap and tell me who you want for Christmas while this radio station tells you whose paying for it.
This next song is an amazing lineup of musicians with John 5, Billy Sheehan, Vinny Appice on drums, and Alice Cooper out front. This is “Santa Claws”–C-L-A-W-S–“Is Coming to Town.”
Alice Cooper, John 5, Billy Sheehan & Vinny Appice – Santa Claws Is Coming to Town
Danger Danger – Naughty Naughty Christmas
Doug Pinnick, George Lynch, Billy Sheehan & Simon Phillips – Little Drummer Boy
“Naughty, Naughty Christmas” from who else but Danger Danger preceding “Little Drummer Boy” as done by Doug Pinnick, George Lynch, Billy Sheehan & Simon Phillips. That was the second song in that triple-shot featuring bass god Billy Sheehan.
If you’re a parent and you’re struggling financially, remember: 2020 is the year you can save on presents. All you have to do is tell the children Santa Claus got COVID and didn’t make it.[Clip – Chappelle’s Show – Modern problems require modern solutions]
If you missed any part of this 2020 Hard, Heavy & Hair Holiday Special, titled “Twas the Rock Before Christmas,” and including my poem of the same name, you can stream it again on-demand 25 hours a day, 8 days a week, from PariahRocks.com, that’s P-A-R-I-A-H-R-O-C-K-S-dot com all 25 Days of Christmas–and beyond, if you want the Christmas Metal spirit to linger a bit longer.
My name is Pariah Burke, I’m your hard talking, heavy drinking, hairball of a horny ho-ho-host and producer. Thank you for joining me for this very special show.
And–all joking aside: This year has sucked big, hairy, monkey balls. Whether you’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, Atheist, Jedi, worship Marilyn Manson, or whatever, I hope the holidays can help lift your spirits. With all my whiskey-pickled heart, I truly, genuinely wish you and your family a safe, happy, and uplifting holiday season. You deserve it. We all do.
In that spirit, I sincerely wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Blessed Noel, Happy New Year, and Prosperous Omisoka, from all of us here at the Hard, Heavy & Hair Show to all of your listening around the world.
We’ll wrap he show with two more songs: “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” from Winger and then Nelson with “Jingle Bell Rock.”
Winger – Happy Christmas (War Is Over)
Nelson – Jingle Bell Rock